I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
