guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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