PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
