just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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