apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
