God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
