Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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