Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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