What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize