So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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