Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
