I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
