you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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