those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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