Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i barfeds in our rink
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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