I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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