sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
