Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
