i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We left the knife in your bed.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
