he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
