porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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