sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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