we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
