is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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