I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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