today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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