one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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