I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
