Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
