I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
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Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
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My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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