he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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