i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
A bitchslap is in order.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
