remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
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The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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