$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
