I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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