Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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