Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
