please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
