I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
