your thong is hanging out like whoa
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
