Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize