Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
