I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
