He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
