Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
