Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
God, I missed his penis.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
