Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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