I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
