I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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