omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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