So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
