Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Verdict: uncircumcised.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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