dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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