ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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