..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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