I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
