I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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