you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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