I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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