I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
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Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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