there's paper in my vomit.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
