I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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