That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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