I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
