I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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