Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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