the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
