Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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