Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
