Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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