genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
