didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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