He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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