Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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