thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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