who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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