no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
