I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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