So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Houston, we have a blender
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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