ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
