I cockslap morals
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
