obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I FOUND THE LEGS
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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