by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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