I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
